The cost of living crisis continues to bite, forcing many cash-strapped Scots into taking up a side hustle.
For lazy cunts and stupid cunts alike, however, that all sounds a bit like a baw ache. So why not take a leaf out of the super rich’s book and build passive income?
Here are Havers & Pish’s top recommendations:
- Manage Rangers for a few months. For those with a high tolerance for verbal abuse, being a calamitously shite Rangers manager is a great way to become so minted you’ll be to afford an Istanbul’s worth of cosmetic surgery. Lap up some free foreign travel, banter with Declan John, sit through a few drubbings. Soon enough you’ll get an enormous payout for being replaced faster than you can say Barry Ferguson.
- Get your father to sell Avon. Passive income is all about getting someone else to take the strain. Get your Da out of the care home and going door to door. All of your pals will be really impressed.
- Dial random phone numbers and ask them if they have had a car accident. We’re no really sure how this actually makes money, but some auld granny must be doolally enough to gie you her bank details.
- Get a ferry contract from the Scottish Government. Don’t worry if you don’t have a shipyard: you don’t actually have to build the boat! And if you do, it does not actually have to fit the ferry terminal. Just pose for a photo with some empty SNP suit then watch the cash roll in.
- Take up racism full time. There are brilliant careers in politics available for people willing to demand that asylum seekers be burned alive. Or you could even just hit out with something mental, like a there being a conspiracy against white teachers. Why graft when you can grift?
