Total radge John Swinney went full mental yesterday by telling anti-Trump protestors to demonstrate “peacefully and lawfully”.
The vile hooligan took a break from his bedtime snack of warmed milk and a Farley’s rusk to hit out with mental comments like, “The right to peaceful demonstration is something that we cherish”. Swinney finished by tying the knot on his tartan dressing gown, putting on his slippers and taking the needle off his favourite record – Michael Marra’s Hermless. It is reckoned the thug stayed up as late at 8:30pm whipping up protests.
Hero Russell Findlay denounced the mentalist’s outburst as “a dog whistle incitement to violence” adding that the owner of the world’s largest nuclear arsenal might feel “intimidated now that big John has told the whole team to gang up on him”. The Sun, Express, Telegraph and Mail – all critical parts of Scotland’s fourth estate – printed it verbatim on the front page to ensure that all political parties are equally held to account.
Proof of Findlay’s astonishing insight was further confirmed by protestors. Lifelong feminist Fiona Pankhurst said, “I would never have demonstrated against a self-confessed sex offender who removed abortion rights if Big John had not told the troops it was time to riot.”
Menacingly, she finished by saying, “My home-knitted ‘Trump is a Numpty’ sign is bound to terrify him.”
