It’s peak tourist season here in Scotchland. What better time to learn how to get on with the locals? Our travel tips for Scotland are sure to earn you a haste ye back!
- Tell everyone Scotland is your favourite part of England
- Start conversations with “Ya’ll must be so proud of President Trump”
- Scottish people struggle to hear due to constant exposure to bagpipes. Be sure to speak loudly at all times.
- When visiting rural Scotland, drive extra slowly to make sure you get those holiday snaps. In fact, why not park in one of the handy passing places?
- Tell everyone about your Scottish connections. Scots enjoy nothing more than hearing about how you are 1/16th Scotch.
- Don’t worry about the stairs when visiting the Wallace or Scott Monument. Any member of staff will be gladly guide you to the nearest (and widest) elevator they can find.
- In fact, why not add a joke about how you are more Scotch than Humza Yousaf and Anas Sarwar? This is not at all racist and will go down especially well with the waiter after you order a curry.
- When ordering at the bar, be sure to ask the staff about their range of light beers. This will in no way expose you to ridicule.
- If you want to strike a friendly conversation, why not wear a Scottish soccer shirt? Scots will be thrilled to see you wearing a “Glascow Rangers” or “Celtics” jersey, even if they support a different team.
- Finally, we completely understand if you do not like Scottish tap water. Ask your hotelier for some Evian. They are sure to be understanding.
