Men with a weight between 9 and 19 stone continue to ignore the country’s taps aff weather warning.
While public health advice has been conscientiously observed by the dangerously emaciated and the morbidly obese alike, mid-size men continue to be a hard to reach demographic for health officials.
Taps aff enthusiast Declan Burns, 22, explained, “The problem is body confidence. With no rib cages or moobs to showcase, I can see why they’re a wee bit shy.”
“But no matter what anyone says about them, average men are just as capable of looking like a lobster as the rest of us.”
NHS Scotland officials said, “Our advice is to take Vitamin D supplements during the winter months, but let’s face it, what cunt does that? Our Pasty to Flaky programme encourages men to macrodose UV and get a year’s Vitamin D in a week.”
With the heatwave set to continue, it is feared that “taps aff” be upgraded to “sweating ma baws aff”.
