Nigel Farage has promised to “promote British values” by handing all funds raised by last November’s Poppy Appeal to The Taliban.
A solitary tear crept down the Reform UK leader’s face as he launched an impassioned appeal for the British public to pay “those kind chaps in Kabul” to accept the repatriation of 600,000 asylum seekers.
“Asylum seekers are sucking up our cash and disrespecting our veterans. They are taking away our freedoms.”
“That’s why I suggest we abolish the Human Rights Act and hand the public’s money straight to The Taliban so we can send to them all back”
Farage responded that he was “flattered” that the Taliban have said they are “ready and willing” to work with Reform UK on this matter.
A spokesperson for the Taliban said, “We don’t normally work with misogynists who want to set up camps, but Nigel’s offer to throw in a cenotaph-shaped urinal was too good to refuse.”
“People laughed in 2001 when I said the British would eventually surrender to us, but look who is paying who now!”
Farage was in Scotland to celebrate the defection of Graham Simpson MSP. After he, the gathered journalists and Graham Simpson himself, had Googled Graham Simpson, Farage went on to say, “Our veterans weren’t forced to sit next to smelly Afghan interpreters only for those interpreters to end up next to them on the plane home.”
“I am sure the families of 457 British Forces personnel who died fighting the Taliban will be delighted that we have honoured their legacy.”
Farage, whose advisors say the UK should not have fought in WWII, is planning a “fact finding” trip to Kabul to look at alternatives to the Human Rights Act.
