Kim Jong-Un has become the latest autocrat offering jobs abroad to Scotland’s world-leading supine journalists.
The North Korean President was mesmerised as he heard fellow autocrat Donald Trump declare that, “The media has been terrific, believe it or not. I didn’t use the word fake news one time, not one time. Today they’re not fake news, they’re wonderful news.”
“I have got to get me one of those,” enthused a visibly impressed Kim. “In the States, even Republicans are beginning to realise that Trump is basically just a Yankee Prince Andrew. Four days in Scotland and the papers have headlines like ‘Make Scotland Great Again’. Now that is servility.”
“I suppose it is the UK. A lifetime with the one unelected family as a head of state, followed by a performative public grieving period every time one of them dies, conditions them into a state of permanent sycophancy,” mused Kim to himself, visibly drooling.
“I’ve managed to convince the people of my country that sawdust is nutritious and that I have never done a jobby. Not bad. But I still have not convinced the inhabitants of an oil-rich country they are not allowed a vote on independence until 75 years from now when the stuff has run out.”
“That is some first class brainwashing.”
An envy-ridden Kim concluded by saying, “I don’t think I’ve wanted anything as much since Dennis Rodman offered to bring a carry out from the States”.
