Scots with a mobile phone shat themselves around 3pm this afternoon when the government chose to test its emergency alert system.
However, many were ragin’ to discover that the almighty fleg was not a real disaster.
Numpty Moira Boak, 42, took to social media to complain: “Ruined a good pair of drawers only to find out it won’t wipe out my £58,000 credit card debt AND the social have my mobile number.”
Roaster Luca Hackit, 42, whinged, “I really hoped Vlad had finally got round to nuking us. Between climate change, the rise of fascism and Mrs Brown’s Boys, my thoughts are always with the Russian and North Korean scientists working to end this nightmare.”
“I’ve seen Threads and the hospital scene still looks better than the Royal Infirmary. Eating the entrails of a radioactive sheep looks challenging, but beats a Best Kebab any day of the week.”
UK Government officials assured the public that efforts to aid genocide and toady to Donald Trump continued. It is hoped they will eventually bear fruit in the sweet relief of this wretched island being vaporised in a thermonuclear fireball.
